How to do you tell someone? What do you say?

Just the possibility of having a debilitating disease is absolutely frightening. To begin with you are informed in such a nonchalant way from the doctor. It's news he breaks everyday to unsuspecting patients. You go in for a cold, a sore arm and he tells you that you may be losing the use of that arm, the other one and both your legs. Then he and the rest of the health care team leave you wondering if your life and the life of your family is about to change forever, you know the 'rule out-testing phase.' A frightening place to be to say the least.

You go through all the phases (some of the phases progress faster than others but you go through them all). You go through denial, you know "Black people don't catch that, White people don't have high blood pressure, That is a gay person's disease. No body gets that anymore." Then there is pain and guilt, then anger and bargaining (you may chose to omit that step if you accept that all things happen by Allah's will, how can you be angry at Allah? He permitted it and why bargain, its up to Him anyway, you can only really ask for His mercy.) Thereafter reflection, loneliness and oh yes, depression. The horrible, empty depressing feeling of not knowing the outcome and not having enough strength on the inside to combat the challenge that you are suddenly facing. The stage where you withdraw from the world to try and handle the situation within your own psyche.

Next the 'upward turn.' Where things become a bit more tolerable and you look around at all the people that are living relatively full lives with the disease that you are threatened with. Following thereafter is the reconstruction and working through phase and finally the stage of acceptance and hope. Its wonderful to leave off with hope.
Recently the Honorable Minister Farrakhan held a telephone prayer with many of us who are facing very difficult and life threatening conditions (visit www.noi.org/prayer to hear the prayer he delivered). He cautioned us to have the proper attitude and to petition Allah. That in a little package is the beginning of healing and surviving.

As an individual you have to face these circumstances within yourself. But how do you tell your children and your husband or wife? How do you tell those in authority over you and your colleagues? Sometimes you don't want to say it believing that if you don't it may not be true (part of that denial phase) It is such a painful reality or thought to deal with how your life is being affected then to have to share it with others who may or may not have the compassion or ability to understand what you are going through?

I say, those that know you and love you will be able to tell that something is wrong or that something has changed with you. They will inquire to find out how they can help. Then you won't have to find the words, the look in your eyes or the flow of your tears will be enough.
I will simply close with this, I believe now more than ever in the saying, "Never explain. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you."