When two parents don’t agree on something it spells disaster for the children and unfortunately it often spells disaster for the marriage. "Experts" caution couples about arguing about certain things, the top three are said to be money, sex and raising children.
The aspect that I want to discuss is rearing children. If there is a disagreement on how children are to be raised it becomes a power struggle in the home. When daddy is absent one thing will occur, when mommy is present it is another; and the children usually know that and can play on that division for all that it is worth.
Children should find that the rules and sentiments of the family remain the same regardless to which parent they ask; they should not be able to find a door to manipulate. How many of us can say that we agree one hundred percent with our spouses, significant others or baby momma/daddy? Very few.
For the most part we all want the same thing for our children. We want them to grow up to be respectable and respected, successful and faithful, morally strong, dignified and intelligent. For our girls we want them to be chaste till marriage and reflections of God and for our boys we want them to be good providers and great men of God. The disagreement comes in heavily when it must be determined how that will occur, it is the huge space that is between “be” and “it is.”
As parents we have to batten down the hatches and talk about these things, agree on them. And don’t just agree for the sake of it. Determine to stick with it, that you are going to take the same path to raising the kind of children that will see the Hereafter and that are acceptable to Allah.
At the root of it is parents not being connected to Allah and one another. A husband should not mind seeing to it that his children obey their mother in her absence--the same is true for the wife. If they do not agree the planned outcome for the children is in jeopardy.
Further, when a spouse or significant other makes a decision concerning the children where does it come from? Does it come from emotion or is it out of sound reason? If it is out of emotion the significant other has every right to second guess, but if it's root is sound reason, especially emanating from the Teachings of the Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad then the husband or wife should be glad to see to it that the children obey.
Take for example something as simple as household chores. A father may want a son to clean out the garage now, but a mother wants her son to enjoy the afternoon and ride his bike, by her reasoning he can clean the garage a little each day. Recipe for an argument. Both want the garage clean but disagree how and when it should be done.
Have you ever heard this, “Mommy said I can do it.” The parent says, “But what did I tell you?” That pits the child against the parent and the parents against each other. But if the parents would simply say the same thing, the child would not have ‘a leg to stand on.’
We have to ask ourselves, if we are not in agreement with the route of our children's lives, will they find their own routes (ones we completely don't agree with) because we couldn't agree on one for them? And ultimately, are we in agreement with one another and our own relationship?
No comments:
Post a Comment